If I get to the finish line in Italy on September 22, it will be a different ending for me this time than Canada was.
From July 2015-July 2016, training for Ironman Canada helped me give my husband and daughter space to nurture their relationship - and giving me something to do for myself. When I crossed the finish line, I made a T with my arms so my hubs would know I was thinking of him. He was that special to me - that my finish line moment included him in the only way I knew how.
When I got back to my Whistler condo that night, I had a cute text from him. I felt his support, encouragement, admiration, and I felt hope for our family. We had lunch the week after and it was meaningful. We spent some quality time together over the next few months and I really believed our family was still in the running for mending. I held onto hope for the next 18 months privately nurturing a connection with my husband, but in the end, he appeared conflicted on how to bring our family back together again. The signing of our divorce papers was actually a very tender evening. We had dinner, we cried, we held each other a long time, it was kind and respectful and loving. I believed that if I continued to show him support and unconditional love, that eventually, he would have capacity again for me in his life - without outside forces working against us.
I don't regret giving him my Canada finish moment. It was hard to not have him there with me. But as I look ahead 10 weeks from now, I know my Italy finish line needs to be about me honoring myself. I'm looking forward to a very different picture.
My Italy finish line picture will honor myself.
Friday, July 13, 2018
Monday, May 14, 2018
what's going on...
Where have I been?
I've been training nearly every day since January and it is killing me. My body really aches and it's a lot of logistics to keep track of.
My goal of blogging this second journey - has gone in the toilet - because frankly, I just don't feel drawn to do so.
I may shift direction and start writing into the WHY I am doing this second IM. Training provides a lot of time to do deep thinking and I've been waiting a long time to get everything written down so maybe my brain can have a rest from all the ruminating questions that I have been left to sort out.
I am not doing this IM for fun or even for health - I'm doing it to stay alive - it's that simple. I signed up so I could find something to focus on and a reason to get out of bed.
According to the calendar, I've been grieving for 51 months - but it really only feels like a month. My heart is tender and raw - and the love I have for them is every-bit-real as it always has been. Without them, my world feels very incomplete and I am sad every.single.day. The pain is so immense, I don't even have words to describe it. I don't know how to make sense of this journey.
I've been training nearly every day since January and it is killing me. My body really aches and it's a lot of logistics to keep track of.
My goal of blogging this second journey - has gone in the toilet - because frankly, I just don't feel drawn to do so.
I may shift direction and start writing into the WHY I am doing this second IM. Training provides a lot of time to do deep thinking and I've been waiting a long time to get everything written down so maybe my brain can have a rest from all the ruminating questions that I have been left to sort out.
I am not doing this IM for fun or even for health - I'm doing it to stay alive - it's that simple. I signed up so I could find something to focus on and a reason to get out of bed.
According to the calendar, I've been grieving for 51 months - but it really only feels like a month. My heart is tender and raw - and the love I have for them is every-bit-real as it always has been. Without them, my world feels very incomplete and I am sad every.single.day. The pain is so immense, I don't even have words to describe it. I don't know how to make sense of this journey.
Saturday, January 6, 2018
First Track Workout
Today, I just planned to run some laps and loosen up my legs, but once I got started with the warmup and drills, I kept on going. My body totally held up for me, I can't believe how well I ran after so much time off.
We did a total of 3.5 miles in the pouring down rain!
warmup run
quick feet drills
2 laps to warm up
3 laps at 70% followed by 1 min break
2 laps at 80% followed by 45 sec break
1 lap at 90% followed by 30 sec break
then reverse
1 lap at 90% followed by 30 sec break
2 laps at 80% followed by 45 sec break
3 laps at 70% followed by 1 min break
I got a lot of atta-girl, good-job girl, looking good girl, lots of positive feedback - with a few reminders to let my shoulders drop. My coach seemed pleased with my first workout. I did not know I had it in me to get through this, so happy.
We did a total of 3.5 miles in the pouring down rain!
warmup run
quick feet drills
2 laps to warm up
3 laps at 70% followed by 1 min break
2 laps at 80% followed by 45 sec break
1 lap at 90% followed by 30 sec break
then reverse
1 lap at 90% followed by 30 sec break
2 laps at 80% followed by 45 sec break
3 laps at 70% followed by 1 min break
I got a lot of atta-girl, good-job girl, looking good girl, lots of positive feedback - with a few reminders to let my shoulders drop. My coach seemed pleased with my first workout. I did not know I had it in me to get through this, so happy.
Friday, January 5, 2018
Met my coach today
I met my coach Rocky Ursino today in person. We discussed our communication styles, his expectations, my goals, and a 9 month plan to get me ready.
I want to beat my time from Whistler; ideally, I would like to be under 15 hours. I want to get faster and I need to lean out. His specialty is running, so I'm hoping to get over my long time plateau of being a 10 minute miler.
We're going to partner well together. So far, I'm his only team member doing an Ironman this year. He's a pretty accomplished fella, check out this write-up about him.
https://www.prperformance.net/hire-triathlon-coach-seattle-bellevue-kirkland-redmond
I want to beat my time from Whistler; ideally, I would like to be under 15 hours. I want to get faster and I need to lean out. His specialty is running, so I'm hoping to get over my long time plateau of being a 10 minute miler.
We're going to partner well together. So far, I'm his only team member doing an Ironman this year. He's a pretty accomplished fella, check out this write-up about him.
https://www.prperformance.net/hire-triathlon-coach-seattle-bellevue-kirkland-redmond
Infared Sauna and Light Therapy
I knew I would wake up sore, so I scheduled a 6:15 am sauna to give me a reason to get out of bed and walk next door to the Hot Yoga Experience.
140 degrees for 30 minutes, helped me sweat, loosen up the body and drink a lot of water!
140 degrees for 30 minutes, helped me sweat, loosen up the body and drink a lot of water!
Thursday, January 4, 2018
Italy - are you kidding me? YES!!
Two of my most admired friends asked me to join them this year to do Ironman again - but this time in Italy. The course description prevented me from saying NO - I'm so excited!
On the coast of Emilia-Romagna—one of the most famous Italian regions in the world for nature, art, and food —sits Cervia, an ancient fishing village, nicknamed the City of Salt.
SWIM: The course starts from the wide and central beach of Cervia. It’s a single loop with an Australian exit on the beach after 2.5 km.
BIKE: The course starts on the promenade of Cervia and curls for two laps along the charming countryside of Romagna. It leads the athletes through the picturesque Natural Park of Salt Pans, where it is possible to appreciate the view of pink flamingos in their natural habitat. The course goes ahead through the pretty streets of Forlimpopoli and continues towards Bertinoro, "the balcony of Romagna". It crosses the vineyards of the famous Sangiovese and follows the so-called street of wine and tastes of Romagna. After passing the hill of Bertinoro, the course descends back to Cervia. The total elevation gain is about 700 m.
RUN: The course is four laps of 10 km each; the completely flat course reveals some characteristic views of the touristic Cervia and Milano Marittima. After reaching the port canal, the course leads through the main streets of the nearby Milano Marittima. Continuing, athletes will benefit from the shady area offered by the "pine wood". Then they enter in the heart of Cervia across the square of the historic Salt Warehouse, icon of the city. After crossing the medieval city walls, the view opens on the charming Town Hall Square.
So, here we go again..
T-minus 261 days until #IMITALY - I can't believe it, feels surreal to be starting this journey again
My body is completely out of shape, starting from the ground up again. This first month is going to hurt the muscles A LOT, but I am looking forward to routine and getting physically tired.
Tonight - just starting with an hour of hot yoga to loosen up!
On the coast of Emilia-Romagna—one of the most famous Italian regions in the world for nature, art, and food —sits Cervia, an ancient fishing village, nicknamed the City of Salt.
SWIM: The course starts from the wide and central beach of Cervia. It’s a single loop with an Australian exit on the beach after 2.5 km.
BIKE: The course starts on the promenade of Cervia and curls for two laps along the charming countryside of Romagna. It leads the athletes through the picturesque Natural Park of Salt Pans, where it is possible to appreciate the view of pink flamingos in their natural habitat. The course goes ahead through the pretty streets of Forlimpopoli and continues towards Bertinoro, "the balcony of Romagna". It crosses the vineyards of the famous Sangiovese and follows the so-called street of wine and tastes of Romagna. After passing the hill of Bertinoro, the course descends back to Cervia. The total elevation gain is about 700 m.
RUN: The course is four laps of 10 km each; the completely flat course reveals some characteristic views of the touristic Cervia and Milano Marittima. After reaching the port canal, the course leads through the main streets of the nearby Milano Marittima. Continuing, athletes will benefit from the shady area offered by the "pine wood". Then they enter in the heart of Cervia across the square of the historic Salt Warehouse, icon of the city. After crossing the medieval city walls, the view opens on the charming Town Hall Square.
So, here we go again..
T-minus 261 days until #IMITALY - I can't believe it, feels surreal to be starting this journey again
My body is completely out of shape, starting from the ground up again. This first month is going to hurt the muscles A LOT, but I am looking forward to routine and getting physically tired.
Tonight - just starting with an hour of hot yoga to loosen up!
Sunday, July 31, 2016
Ironman Race Report - Long Version
One year ago, I headed up to Whistler to volunteer at
Ironman Canada 2015 – to scope out the location and decide if it was something
I wanted to really sign up for in 2016. I was barely across the border when I saw the
email that advertised the 2016 Victoria Half Ironman/Whistler Ironman
combination – so I signed up thinking it was a short time offer that I wouldn’t
want to miss. HA. Then I spent the next few days volunteering and
learning how brutal the bike course was and how rogue the weather patterns can
be – but there was no turning back. I bought a new bike and spent 7 months training and before I knew it, it was time to head back to Canada.
Race Weekend
Thursday, I spent the day packing and loading the car and
waiting for the UPS truck to arrive with my new custom TRI-KIT. I
stopped in Bothell to dinner with a friend and cousin, then met up with my teammate
Michelle so we could caravan up to Whistler. We stopped across the border to
buy the items we weren’t able to cross the border with - like fruit. Even grocery shopping
is fun and funny with Murphy!
Friday, my TRI team met up several times to do a group bike
ride, sign away our lives with the crazy-ass waivers required, obtain our race stuff, attend the athlete briefing, and carb-load. Friday night, my
dear friend Kyle arrived in from California and we had a late dinner and
dessert in the village. He was there to support me for the entire weekend;
self-less and simply amazing!
Saturday, my TRI team met up for the group swim and then it
was time to check-in gear to the transitions. As a joke, I asked
my friend a few weeks before the race if he could learn to French braid – since
I knew that would be a good way to keep my hair contained during the
race. Well, he is always up for learning something and I was GRATEFUL > quality
dude! By 5:00 PM, I took an Advil PM and
was in bed by 8:30 PM.
Race morning
I had a good night sleep – not sure how I ended up so lucky
since most people claim to never sleep well before a race. I rolled out
of bed at 2:30 AM with a list to complete. At 4:30 AM, I walked over to
the village and dropped off my special needs bags. I found a
volunteer to give a thank you gift card to and then loaded into the shuttle
bus. Once I got to the lake, I did what everyone else did – loaded my
bottles and nutrition on the bike, pumped up tires, used the bathroom, got into
my wetsuit, stretched, and tried to relax.
Kyle showed up around 6:00 AM in a bright yellow volunteer
shirt and was in his element helping people in transition. I had no idea
he had signed up to volunteer and it was nice that he could be with me in the
transition area! I wasn’t
present in the moment – because it all did not feel real. I could
not believe the moment was here. I was just going through the motions, so
I’m glad Kyle took pictures and tried to get me to smile.
YAY: race
officials decided booties were legal for the swim
Swim
I entered the water about 10 minutes after the rolling start
began with 7 left hand turns to check off. Overall, my swim went
smoothly. I had done a lot of open water
swims in training and I knew what 2.4 miles felt like. Starting at the
back of the pack provided little churn and no grabbing hands. After the
first turn, the sun was in our eyes and hundreds of people could not site the
next buoy and it was a wide disaster of athletes going in all directions –
which meant I had no one to draft behind. I am a good sighter and
although I was very alone in my path, I knew I was in the right place when the
pro’s began passing me on my left at arm’s length. Between buoys, I would
pick a sibling to think about and would go through the alphabet listing traits
about each of them. I have a lot of siblings, so this passed the time
well. As I made the 4th turn and saw people heading to shore,
I dug deep to not get disheartened as I headed out for another loop.
YAY: peed twice = well hydrated
T1
It takes a little time to re-orient once on land. The
wetsuit strippers were enthusiastic and being stripped is a nice treat.
In my T1 bag, I had a gift card for the volunteer who helped me put on my socks
and sports bra. With prime weather, I didn’t have to put on arm or leg
warmers. Before the race, I turned on my heated shoe soles - so after the swim my toes could get toasty! Overall,
I have a lot of room to get faster with my transitions. It’s hard to put
a line in the sand and stop the brain from worrying about all the what-if I
need this or that.
YAY: saw my buddy and he snapped a picture of me smiling
UGH: delayed by another pee
stop
Bike
I learned a lot from my half-ironman and was going to do
this race differently. I felt well prepared from my long rides and my
training camp. My coach had a plan for me to follow and I executed it.
Compared to my teammates, I am very slow. BUT I know I can ride consistently and go a long way. Taped to my handlebars was an outline by hour of where I estimated I would be on the course - it was important for me, so I could stay well ahead of the Sweeper Vehicle. I desperately did not want to get pulled off the course.
Compared to my teammates, I am very slow. BUT I know I can ride consistently and go a long way. Taped to my handlebars was an outline by hour of where I estimated I would be on the course - it was important for me, so I could stay well ahead of the Sweeper Vehicle. I desperately did not want to get pulled off the course.
I had all my nutrition for the day loaded on my bike, so I
could roll through the aid stations, only replenishing water, Gatorade, or
solid foods. Although I wasn’t riding in my team jersey, a few teammates
spotted me and yelled out encouragement as they were flying down Callaghan –
already 14 miles ahead of me. Teammate Brad Williams and NWTB store owner
who sold me my bike, casually went by on the incline looking like he was on a
Sunday stroll. His smile had a little
something else behind it - so I suspect he had sighted me long before and had a
goal of catching me before he had to make the 70.3 turn – it was a good moment
and made me smile! My first rolling pee was at the top of Callaghan, mile
21 – perfect timing after climbing the hill for 7 miles. After I did that, I committed to never looking
whether anyone else was peeing or had pee on them – It was not my business and
I certainly didn’t want people noticing me.
As I was heading down into Pemberton, hundreds of riders
were already 50 miles ahead of me and they were coming up the hill in the heat
– on the newly laid black asphalt. I yelled out to a few teammates as I
tried to look fast going down the steep hills. At the bottom of the hill,
was the special needs stop. I swished my mouth out with Scope to reset my
taste buds. Replaced out warm nutrition with cold hydration that I had previously
froze. Grabbed pepperoni stick, Oreos, triskets, and blueberry bagel and
headed out to the 30 mile section of flats. At the turnaround mile 72, I
found another opportunity to pee and this time I nailed the technique standing
up with one foot unclipped – WAS SO PROUD OF MYSELF for learning it on my own. At mile 88, I
decided to shed a few things and prepare for the hill climb. Took off my
socks. Threw away my old gloves and the extra food that I was done
with. The aid station volunteer was a young boy and he was so excited to
have half my pepperoni stick – cracked me up.
The hill really wasn’t a thing for me. I was so ready
for it and knew I was going to make it before the cut-off time. There
were a lot of people walking within the first few miles. I felt bad for
them and heard one gal says she was from Louisiana and was not cut out for
hills. I was heads down in a zone, passing people, and not talking to
anyone. I watched my power numbers to be sure I pedaled correctly.
I trusted my coach and she said I would make it if I followed her plan – so I
did. The heat of the day did not bother me at all, I was surprised to be
extremely comfortable.
I drank and ate as much as I could until mile 100 when I
started preparing my stomach for the upcoming run.
Coming back into the village, my friend Kyle snapped a
picture of me – I was still smiling!
WIN: didn’t crash, didn’t bonk, no flat tire
UGH: average power was 104
Watts, goal was actually 110 – have more to give on next race
T2
The change tent was empty and I knew I was only ahead of the
cut-off by about 20 minutes, but wasn’t worried about it because I would be out
of the tent in time and the next cut-off wasn’t for 4 hours. I felt
confident that I would finish the marathon by midnight. The
volunteers were awesome and I handed out another gift card.
WIN: volunteer
rebraided my hair since it was a knotted mess from the swim cap and bike helmet
UGH: transition was right next to the finish chute, so it was a challenge to concentrate on running away from celebrations
Run
I had done many long training runs so my plan was to not
walk at all – it was important to me personally - without any judgment of other
people doing it. I’m a slow runner and can keep my heart rate low and go
a long way.
The first loop was interesting and fun – crowds gathered,
lots of music and energy, gorgeous scenery to take in. After a few hours,
I knew my watch was going to die and so I took time to really dial in and make
sure I knew how to maintain heart rate without the watch updating me. I
could already feel my abs were extremely sore and could only guess that was due
to the 8 hour bike ride! It was great to
run by so many teammates and say hello to them.
Later reading their race reports, I had no idea they were dealing
with their own struggles - because they all looked great!
I stopped at my special needs bag and made a few adjustments
– you don’t want to know - was worried I would frighten the teenage girl
helping me. Her mom had no qualms and told me not to worry, she was happy
her daughter was learning the behind-the-scenes things that occur during
racing. I rinsed my mouth again with Scope, grabbed another bagel, and
gulped a five hour energy. I was in awe of the piles of abandoned
items that had accumulated. The volunteers were great and had things well
sorted and available – it was like a convenience store. At this point,
the runners that are done head toward the finish line and the rest of us head
back out for another loop. THAT IS NOT FUN.
At mile 15, this is really when things got tough. I
knew I had another few hours and my body was really getting pissed off.
It had been going for over 12 hours and was looking for an exit strategy.
My tongue was sick of the same tastes and after taking another sip of the same crappy Gatorade, my stomach tried a test run of revolting. It was a dry heave only, but enough of a warning that I literally stopped right before the golf course (the most fun section of the run) and faced the bushes and talked to myself. “Scheris – YOU are ok, u ARE ok, you are OK, u r OOOOO KKKKKK, ur ok, ur ok, ur ok, ur fine, u got this, ur ok, ur ok, I promise you – ur ok, you have come all this way now really YOU CAN DO THIS. Keep moving forward, keep moving, just keep going, that’s all this is. You trained for this and you want this BADLY – so suck it up and get going. You are strong, so do not look weak when you go by this fun energetic crowd – and once you start moving, you’ll get into a rhythm again. READY - GOOOOO”
My tongue was sick of the same tastes and after taking another sip of the same crappy Gatorade, my stomach tried a test run of revolting. It was a dry heave only, but enough of a warning that I literally stopped right before the golf course (the most fun section of the run) and faced the bushes and talked to myself. “Scheris – YOU are ok, u ARE ok, you are OK, u r OOOOO KKKKKK, ur ok, ur ok, ur ok, ur fine, u got this, ur ok, ur ok, I promise you – ur ok, you have come all this way now really YOU CAN DO THIS. Keep moving forward, keep moving, just keep going, that’s all this is. You trained for this and you want this BADLY – so suck it up and get going. You are strong, so do not look weak when you go by this fun energetic crowd – and once you start moving, you’ll get into a rhythm again. READY - GOOOOO”
At about mile 18, we were routed off the trail for a slight
detour up an embankment due to bears. The
detour was short and once back on the trail, it was dark and scary. I was
concerned how many other bears could be lurking nearby that hadn’t yet been
spotted. I stayed as far from the tree line as I could.
I waited as long as I could to come into the zone of reality
and actually speak to a person. At the furthest out aid station, I used
the bathroom and asked for the time and distance remaining. I was happy
to learn I had only 10k to go and 2 hours to do it in so for the next few
miles, I slowed to my slowest pace of the day. The turnaround is nothing
to get excited about and wish they had a band or some new yummy food out there
– something to draw us out the furthest distance from the finish line. On
the way back, the bears were now tranquilized and being loaded into a truck for
re-location. I still had to run through dark woods though to get
back. In my final 5k, I picked up the pace to my second fastest pace of
the day. I really wanted to be excited and enjoy this section, but I was
so scared of bonking and didn’t want to start crying and hyperventilate.
Finally, the moment arrived that I had waited for several
years. I turned the corner and the finish
chute was VERY BRIGHT – I could barely keep my eyes open. I remembered to slow down, high-five spectators
on the right and then on the left. I don’t remember hearing my name called, but
watching the video I must have known it because it was the moment I raised my
hands in the air and did a double fist pump. AND then I saw my friend,
volunteering at the finish – he surprised me AGAIN. He put the medal
around my neck and hugged me – and made sure I got a few pictures taken! I gulped down a ton of water and desperately
wanted to feel normal. He walked me to the medic tent and they took some
vitals. I was glad to learn my blood sugar and blood pressure were
normal. I drank ginger ale and laid down with an anti-nausea pill under
my tongue. I dozed off for a couple of minutes – then woke suddenly, feeling
good as new. My friend laughed at the sight of me coming alive again! I had no desire to put my shoes back on and
chose to walk home bare feet.
AND then it was just all over. It still does not feel like it happened. I watch the video every day to try to make it feel real, but it really does not.
AND then it was just all over. It still does not feel like it happened. I watch the video every day to try to make it feel real, but it really does not.
WIN: although I ended up with blisters, they did not hurt once
during the run – my feet and legs held up well
Post-Race
I’m in recovery mode and thinking a bit about what I
want my next year to look like. I
volunteered this week at RAMROD to secure myself an entry for next
year. In two weeks, I will do the 65
mile cancer bike ride from Tacoma to Seattle for Obliteride. In a month, I’ll do a silly 5k Color Run with
my siblings – to make some memories!
BUT mostly, I’m trying to
find a new normal for my life again and catch up on friendships and participate
in other things besides swim, bike, run.
UGH: wasn’t prepared for the post race blues, but I learned the
day after is a good day to be alone and watch movies
UGH: never book an Airbnb with 3 flights of stairs, I hurt my
back trying to pack the car on Tuesday
WIN: proud of
myself for being able to be alone in my head and pushing myself for 16 hours
WIN: discovered
how strong my mental game really is
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