From July 2015-July 2016, training for Ironman Canada helped me give my husband and daughter space to nurture their relationship - and giving me something to do for myself. When I crossed the finish line, I made a T with my arms so my hubs would know I was thinking of him. He was that special to me - that my finish line moment included him in the only way I knew how.
When I got back to my Whistler condo that night, I had a cute text from him. I felt his support, encouragement, admiration, and I felt hope for our family. We had lunch the week after and it was meaningful. We spent some quality time together over the next few months and I really believed our family was still in the running for mending. I held onto hope for the next 18 months privately nurturing a connection with my husband, but in the end, he appeared conflicted on how to bring our family back together again. The signing of our divorce papers was actually a very tender evening. We had dinner, we cried, we held each other a long time, it was kind and respectful and loving. I believed that if I continued to show him support and unconditional love, that eventually, he would have capacity again for me in his life - without outside forces working against us.
I don't regret giving him my Canada finish moment. It was hard to not have him there with me. But as I look ahead 10 weeks from now, I know my Italy finish line needs to be about me honoring myself. I'm looking forward to a very different picture.
My Italy finish line picture will honor myself.
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