I've been training nearly every day since January and it is killing me. My body really aches and it's a lot of logistics to keep track of.
My goal of blogging this second journey - has gone in the toilet - because frankly, I just don't feel drawn to do so.
I may shift direction and start writing into the WHY I am doing this second IM. Training provides a lot of time to do deep thinking and I've been waiting a long time to get everything written down so maybe my brain can have a rest from all the ruminating questions that I have been left to sort out.
I am not doing this IM for fun or even for health - I'm doing it to stay alive - it's that simple. I signed up so I could find something to focus on and a reason to get out of bed.
According to the calendar, I've been grieving for 51 months - but it really only feels like a month. My heart is tender and raw - and the love I have for them is every-bit-real as it always has been. Without them, my world feels very incomplete and I am sad every.single.day. The pain is so immense, I don't even have words to describe it. I don't know how to make sense of this journey.
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